To bait fish withal. If it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge. He hath disgraced me and hindered me half a million, laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies—and what’s his reason? I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute—and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction.
Modern: 'I hate Hamlet' from I Hate Hamlet
Last night, right from the start, I knew I was bombing. I sounded big and phony, real thee and thou, and then I started rushing it, hi, what's new in Denmark? I just could not connect. I couldn't get a hold of it. And while I'm...babbling, I look out, and there's this guy in the second row, a kid, like 16, obviously dragged there. And he's yawning and jiggling his legs and reading his program, and I just wanted to say, hey kid, I'm with you, I can't stand this either! But I couldn't do that, so I just keep feeling worse and worse, just drowning. And I thought, okay, all my questions are anwered -- I'm not Hamlet, I'm no actor, what am I doing here? And then I get to the soliloquy, the big job, I'm right in the headlights, and I just thought, oh Christ, the hell with it, just do it!
To be or not to be, that is the question;
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
and by opposing, end them.
And I kept going, I finished the speech, and I look out, and there's the kid -- and he's listening. The whole audience -- complete silence, total focus. And I was Hamlet. And it lasted about ten more seconds, and then I was in Hell. And I stayed there. But for that one little bit, for that one speech -- I got it. I had it. Hamlet. And only eight thousand lines left to go.
Contrasting Monologue: 'Before you punch me' from Flowers in the Desert
Before you punch me there is something you should know.
This woman we're fighting over is no ordinary woman... You don't know how good you had it.
If I am going to die I want the world to know how great she is... Why do you want me to shut up? You afraid? You afraid I will say something that will hurt you? You that sensitive? You gonna cry, Softy?
Then listen... Punch me all you want when I am done... Beat me to a pulp but let me say how I feel... For her.. Do this one kindness for her... She's worth it.
Do you know about serendipity? Word too big for you? I should stick to one or two syllables when speaking to you...
"Serendipity means a "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise"; a fortunate mistake. Specifically, the accident of finding something good while not specifically searching for it."
That's what our love was... A happy accident. We didn't plan on this.
She is amazing ... She is so very good... She has made me happier than I thought was possible. Before her, it was like I was living in black and white and suddenly she brought color to my world.
And by some miracles she chose me. I thought she was wonderful of course but I never thought in a million years she'd want me. She was the princess to my pauper. The batman to my robin. The Picard to my Wesley Crusher. She was so much better and I was so unworthy yet she wants me. By some incredible stoke of luck, she wants me. And her kisses will last me until death... Which might not be very far off.
Yes, we're talking about the same woman, you idiot.
(Takes off glasses)
And now you can punch me.
END
This woman we're fighting over is no ordinary woman... You don't know how good you had it.
If I am going to die I want the world to know how great she is... Why do you want me to shut up? You afraid? You afraid I will say something that will hurt you? You that sensitive? You gonna cry, Softy?
Then listen... Punch me all you want when I am done... Beat me to a pulp but let me say how I feel... For her.. Do this one kindness for her... She's worth it.
Do you know about serendipity? Word too big for you? I should stick to one or two syllables when speaking to you...
"Serendipity means a "happy accident" or "pleasant surprise"; a fortunate mistake. Specifically, the accident of finding something good while not specifically searching for it."
That's what our love was... A happy accident. We didn't plan on this.
She is amazing ... She is so very good... She has made me happier than I thought was possible. Before her, it was like I was living in black and white and suddenly she brought color to my world.
And by some miracles she chose me. I thought she was wonderful of course but I never thought in a million years she'd want me. She was the princess to my pauper. The batman to my robin. The Picard to my Wesley Crusher. She was so much better and I was so unworthy yet she wants me. By some incredible stoke of luck, she wants me. And her kisses will last me until death... Which might not be very far off.
Yes, we're talking about the same woman, you idiot.
(Takes off glasses)
And now you can punch me.
